Late night thoughts…
It always makes me smile when worlds collide. Life seems to be full of reminders of how small the world is. Last summer, I had plans to stay with Stacey Simmons (aka Teton Valley) in Driggs, Idaho for a night. Her plans changed, so she set me up with her friend and Oulakin, Susan Maddrey. I stayed with Susan for a night. We chatted over coffee in the morning; no small talk, just real talk (my favorite type of conversation). In that lovely conversation, she referred me to a woman in Missoula named Gayle. Gayle is an incredible woman who does all kinds of energy/healing work. As soon as I returned from my trip, I made an appointment with Gayle. I had recently moved into my own apartment and was having a really hard time sleeping. I was interested in ANYTHING that could maybe help me sleep.
Fast forward to April 2018, and I am still seeing Gayle once per month. I find that visiting her continues to help me keep moving forward and helps me make brave choices. In my last session with Gayle, we had a really intense moment where she asked me what I would do/say if I could see myself as a baby or child. I’ve been thinking about that for the past month, and for some reason, I feel compelled to share those thoughts with you. It’s quite therapeutic to think about. I highly recommend it to anyone. No pressure to share it publicly, but it really is amazing how much more grace you can give yourself as a child. I encourage you to think/write about it if it sounds intriguing!
If I could hold my infant self in my arms…
Before I said anything, I would make sure that she was cozy and safe and as close to me as comfortably possible.
Then I would say something like…
Dear sweet little girl,
You have a universe inside of you, and you have everything you need within your precious body.
From your head to your toes, you have what you need. Your flaws are perfect. You are enough.
Know that blonde hair means nothing about who you are. Hair and the colors of it are irrelevant to your life.
Your mind will often race, but remember that thoughts are like clouds. They will come storming in, and they will pass. Your mind will constantly want to understand and create explanations for the confusing and painful world around you. These are valuable but know that you are not always right.
Your mouth may often struggle to say what you want it to say. In time you will see that your words have the power to set others free. It will always be scary for you, but you must share your words.
The words from your mouth will bring comfort to many. Your tongue will be quick to criticize things that make you uncomfortable. Be brave and ask yourself, why?
Your eyes will always, always see the good in people. You cannot fight that. This is always better than the opposite end of the spectrum. Trust people until they prove they are not worthy of your trust. You will be surprised. Your eyes will cry more than others tend to. Let your tears fall. You will give someone else permission to feel.
Your ears will hear more secrets than you ever cared to know. Take this as a compliment.
Your smile will be referred to as sunshine. Share it; it has more power than you will ever know. That power will never run out.
Your shoulders will grow tired from carrying baggage that doesn’t belong to you. Remember that you are not responsible for the world.
Your arms will default to being wide open. Know that some will wear out their welcomes, and you have every right say ‘no.’
Your backbone will be more like a sponge that absorbs the suffering of others, and you will feel their pain in every corner of your heart. Remember this is a strength and not a weakness. Absorb and do what you can, but do not drown for someone else. The world needs you. More importantly, you need you.
Your gut will hold your wisdom. Regardless of her shape, she holds all you need to know. Listen and be kind to her.
The center of your femininity holds immense power. It will be tempting to use this power for selfish reasons, but this will only bring you pain. Be wise when choosing who to share your body with.
Your legs will carry you over mountains, on long bike rides, through lakes and oceans and anywhere you need to go. Your legs will dance, and this will set you free. Thank your legs every day. They will never be the shape that you think they should be. Realize that life is far too short to worry about how your thighs look. When you breathe your last breath, you will not care how you looked in shorts.
Your feet will touch soil all over the world. Be grateful for each destination.
I left the most special part for last…
Your heart will be more sensitive than most. You will despise this some days. Always know that your feelings are valid, simply because you feel them. Your heart, although sensitive has the strength to make space for others and welcomes anyone who touches it; bravery at its finest. As long as you are alive, your heart has a chance of feeling immense pain. Remember, this only increases your capacity for joy. You will feel both, many times. Remember that no pain is worth closing your beautiful heart to the world. Stay open. It’s risky, and it will hurt. However, it will hurt more to have an empty heart.
You will battle with your body for most of your days. You must remember that your body is what holds your precious heart. Love your body simply because she moves your sometimes heavy heart through this life, and she is the only body you get.
So my dear little girl, you are all you have and all that you need. Never stop exploring the universe within you. You are worth knowing and worthy of the greatest love. And you are the only one who can give that gift to yourself.
After saying all of that to her, I would kiss her forehead and let tears of love fall from my eyes, and she would be sound asleep in the sweetest of dreams.
My sweet, sweet little girl.